My face hurts

I know. Quit whining. Quit bitching.

But it's the fourth morning in a row that it's been bad and I don't know how to do all the things I have to do and know that it's going to hurt every day forever and just get worse. I tell myself, over and over, that I've lived through this pain for years and I will do it again, but I don't want to.

I'm tired of being the one who knows how to cope. I want to just to lay down on my daddy's couch and cry for about a hundred years and whine and beg him to just make it stop for a little while.

80% of people with TN kill themselves and, most of the time, I don't get it, but right now? Right now, when I can't eat anything because it hurts and I can't take a pill if I don't eat and if I don't take a pill soon I'm going to scream because I have so much to do that I can't bear it and there's this little voice pointing out that it will never ever get better, that this is as good as it will *ever* get again and my choice is to buck up and cope and do my job and be what I'm supposed to be and not tell people I'm sorry if I'm not good enough for you, I can't *breathe* it hurts so bad and when I sleep I dream that people are digging in my teeth with needles and bashing me with hammers and hunting me? Right now, I so get it.

Soon I'll figure out a snack and a pain pill and I'll get the dogs in and I'll turn on the lights and get to work and this'll seem distant, but now.

Now I'm just whining.